I have had a great life. I am thankful for a lot. And I have always been an optimistic type. But battling the gallbladder and crappy stomach issues over the last two years really packed a punch. I got sick of being sick. And I don't like being sick. And it greatly impacted on my optimism and love of life.
Now that I am slowly getting my stomach under control I am finding my days are more lively - more positive - sunnier, even. I have found my optimism and the 'she'll be right' attitude I have always had returning. As I got sick, I lost that sense of loving the tomorrow. Because I felt so awful I thought tomorrow would be worse. But now that my body is not living with constant nausea I am finding the love of tomorrow - the pleasure of tomorrow - the anticipation of tomorrow coming back.
I have returned to looking at the clouds and thinking. About me. About us. About life. This photo was taken on my walk today. My son is finally riding a bike without training wheels and he was in front of me, smiling broadly and ever so proud. I beamed back. And couldn't help but look up at the sky to hold the feeling of being so grateful and proud and optimistic.
Cos life really is good. It's a blessing. And the sky is the limit for my life. Now I am coming back I know that again.
Hi Vanessa. This is a beautiful post. Even though my issues are different, I feel the same. I'm still caught in my issue, and although some days are better than some, I know it stops me enjoying my life. I stopped looking at the clouds and the sky. It's been so long since I've enjoyed a starry night. Felix is helping me see these things again, but when you live with the pain of the every day, it's hard to stop and see the beauty of life around you. It's strange. I know it's there, and I know I need to appreciate it, but it's just hard to do so.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to come back. To stop feeling worthless and rejected. To believe that I'm worth loving again. I know it will happen one day.
Thank you for your beautiful words. Things like this help to give me hope.
Lyn
x
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, Lyn!
ReplyDeleteI am glad the post helped, even just a little. I was where you were for a long, long time and I knew I wasn't living the way I wanted. I couldn't be happy living with pain and illness. If you had asked me a month or two ago if I could feel like this today I would have laughed as it seemed just so remote. But I am finally getting there - just like you will, in time - and the sky will open up once again.
With littlies life is tough as you live so much more for them than yourself. I learnt to take some time out after they were in bed, just so I could reconnect with myself again and relax. Your life is so full now and (any bet) filled with so much happiness and growth - it's just the cloud around you that stops you from feeling it. But I know that will change - I am sure your family and friends have said it. One day you will wake up and be your self again - knowing your worthy of so much love, adoration and kindness...
Take each day as it comes...the sun will shine again for you. Keep that in your heart and your head...
Thinking of you!
xxNess
I LOVE this post. I love your positivity and optimism and I'm glad you are coming out of your body battles a winner. It inspires me to do the same. Here's to a fantastic 2010!
ReplyDeleteI am glad you like the post - I now realise there is a light at the end of the tunnel :)
ReplyDeleteHave a great 2010!
Cheers
Ness